Wild Without Wings

…It was
wild without wings,
cloudless in a gray dress.

A desaturated morning song
we are broken brimstone,
coal stained.

So gladly dazed and
leaving drifted tracings
on the dove arch.

Plucking for the afterglow
trade wands for beestings till
we flinch at sunlight.

Green meadow in the twilight
a smile to an apocalypse
it was…

Ever have that place---the special, magical one where anything you dream can be brought to life?

My grandfather's place, it just was.

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{PS}, got this meme from

i_am_may;

I need love, please?

♥♥♥♥♥

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♥

Photosynthesia:

{{noun: a state of being photosynthesized in your unconscious.}}

So, d r e a m

spread your petals like a flower would

and let the bees collect your nectar

let the sun nourish your seeds

for my darkness is now,

entwined in your light.

♥

{ wasted rubies on dead kings,
lush on gold dust twine }

Obviously still feeling superbly tired all the time or I would have posted before now. I wanted to but honestly couldn't think of anything interesting to say. In fact, I can't really now, but I am letting everyone know I am still alive and plan to post/reply more as soon as I get Wellbutrin added to my medication mix.

{ i guess we are just dead things,
words acidify our rhymes }

In other news; I got my ID okay. Also, checked out library books on astronomy (& guh I love Stephen Hawking and his writing, if he weren't old enough to be my father, paralyzed from the neck down, 100 IQ points higher than me and suffering from a terminal disease we would totally hit it off!)

{ split our cells with dead stares,
alumina for a vaccine }

I am also thinking I am going to try to customize my lj profile more later, with some tables and fancy stuff like that, but later might be a week as I am a real procrastinator of procrastinators.

{ the utterance into dead air,
bruises lay like lazuline }

I have been misplacing things all week, a vital part of the left side of my brain is in a permanent state of slumber, or drunk on cerebrospinal liquor and I am left to bumble aimlessly along through things like organization, balance and time…I sometimes want to scream ‘wake up you fucker!’ but I don’t, because people would stare. My right side works fine, fyi.

{ electrifying my dead grin,
i once rose the wrong sun }

Now, I know I don't deserve it, but my muse well is dry and I am looking desperately for inspiration. What prompts me to create is nature, art, pain & love, so please inspire me by posting things like; your favorite art piece(s), a picture of nature’s beauty, a touching story, a few pretty words. Please?

{ making peace with dead sins,
 covered jewels, an angry gun }

♥

Why do we have to grow up? Why can't we just get bigger, but stay the same?

I’m just a paper silhouette

My heart is tearing piece by piece

You’re a façade, a marionette

Dancing when they pull your strings

I lost all my glitter barrettes

Into the abyss I was staring in

I ate inside my flower field

Pink cake sprinkled with debris

Oh, how great it is for bumblebees,

Mimosa plants & sugar trees

We’ve still got stardust knees

All plastic forks and pretty please

Because we yearn for what we leave,

Behind.

Been writing lots of poems lately, here is one of my little ones:

m u d s l i d e

Now

They grow tree trunks in the sea

(because I make believe it so)

Upside down foliage and earth

(just thought you should know)

( m ♥ o ♥ r ♥ e )
_________________________

Took my deviant art page out of it's slumber, plan to post my poems and eventual artwork to it, feel free to add me on there if you are on as well and would like to, link on userinfo.

d o w n

A piece of art from my paper journal, just a random abstract ink doodle of running thoughts, who ran away with the spoon creator.

I do not claim to be an artist, I just do this for fun and am very conscious of how bad I suck, please don't remind me, okay?

Also, as a side note, am I the only one who loved Hannibal Rising?? Because, I just watched it last week and I obsessively did, but, all I saw were one bad review after another on the web.

First on how it was nothing like any of the other movies in its series, well was it really suppose to be? Totally different plot. And I also loved the back-story, which was also widely criticized. I think in a world of reducing everything to black and white (good vs evil) the reason someone turns out the way they are can sometimes be (at least partly) explained. So this just made the character more real to me…

Anyway pretty commonly the opposite of what I like is praised and vice versa. I guess I just have unique taste?

When I feel sad and alone, I fill my head with words,

I press ink to paper and they all spill out

like an open cage and fluttering birds

quickly chancing their freedom.

My poem, it's a bit different this time, non-rhymical (made up word, yes) and some attention to proper grammar

but I like to mix it up, some rules meant to be broken or changed and all.

{{I've been having vivid dreams... Today, I could smell the sea ♥}}

I always have visions before/during/after I write. This time I awoke with a clear image of an old man

on a ship, looking forlornly into a oil spilled sea, swirling black and blue like stirring bruises.

So, the words came and I went with them. Tried to translate the buzzing synapses of my mind

into this;

Ocean Water

 ♪

I imagine the lines drawn fiercely

And without repose;

A forgotten melody

An endless whisper.

♪

It starts like this:

In circles, in swirls

The penstrokes of dovish

Gold shavings and twilight hues.

 ♪

Flames choke at the light

And dig into the kind of

Fabric that melts rather than burns.

♪

A bleak, acidic tirade

That ends in ashes

It sizzles and curls

Arson without witness,

A muzzled crescendo of tears.

 ♪

To deeply consider…

To fill bottles with ocean water,

Not to drink but taste

A sorrow, a loss

So poignant and salty to-

Pretend it was your own.

 ♪

{A silent catastrophe that sunk your ship

And drew those lines on your face.}

 ♪

Yes, blame it on the waves,

On the tears that blind and

The godlessness of a cold night,

Where animals hide and people

Sink below the surface of the torrent.

 ♪

This is not about happiness;

A crane in oil and a layer of gills

Floating like petals on open sea

This is about you.

© Sarah

I am back on 10mg of Lexapro and doing good, appointment with my nurse practitioner on Wednesday to further discuss my meds. But I think sense it worked the first time around last year I will probably stay on it. I am feeling much, much better today, mostly thanks to mousetrench's conversation with me on AIM. So thanks, you made me feel really happy for a change!

We had adventures in Weemee universe, which is an interactive service similar to Yahoo! avatars (which never worked for me) I have to say this makes me pathetically excited, it is so cool and if anyone is on AIM, feel free (in fact encouraged) to give me an IM sometime; unicorn0delirium. Also my weemee is here:

P.S. I also just updated my profile/userinfo on LJ, if you want to know more about my specific musical and cinematic tastes go on & take a look.

Been very sleepy lately & I really like my vivid dreams. ♥ <--- & pretty hearts.

I'll leave you with this stream of consciousness turned into a poem.

{not about a person or any tangible thing, but a love poem, just the same}

goodnight lullabies

Sing me lullabies

&

water my leaves

♥

But leave

my roots,

to sleep

♥

A dewdrop in the morning

&

 a smell so sweet

♥

It leaves

us both,

to dreams

♥

Tuesday like the day you left

Thursday like you meant it

and Saturday was the day

You swore you never

knew me

♥

So, should I say I cried

& cried & cried

until my eyes were ashes?

♥

Maybe, but no.

I’ve been alone

ever sense the day

you met me .

♥

© Sara

So on Wednesday I saw my Psychiatrist for the first time in 1½ years (see introductory post/profile for back-story) and now she's quitting. But, at least I got on my meds again. Starting at a low dose but working quickly towards 30mg, so I should start to feel better in 4-6 weeks.

But I will still miss her; she was always so nice and complimentary to me. That makes me sound superficial but when I have self worth of 0.00% someone saying I look nice or they like my outfit makes me feel better the rest of the day. She was also a big animal lover so we could talk about that.

So I also learn that Madison center (the place I went to) will not even be hiring another Psychiatrist due to cutbacks! So for now I have to see a nurse practitioner or go to another place. I am hating what this state is becoming due to greedy politicians that think mental health is unimportant.

My eating plan (I hate the word diet) is going along okay. But, my glucose monitor is messed up already and have to get a new one.

(also)

the end of my supposed normalcy (overview of a dream)

today, I dreamt in subtitles // I was decoding gibberish // on an island of sand castles

I put glitter in the waves // held pearls and rubies // left a treasure chest open // made tear stained gold dust

stared at their sad gray skin // witnessed bigfoot reading cosmo // I met sleepy elves under overcast skies //  & a lime green sun.